Dear Abby: ‘My mother keeps reminding me of all the mistakes I’ve made,’ says recovering alcoholic
DEAR ABBY: I’m a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for more than 12 years. My road to sobriety has been long and dark, but I am proud of turning my life around and staying sober. My problem is how my mother treats me about it. She keeps reminding me of all the mistakes I made and the people I hurt when I was still drinking.
I also struggle with manic depression and have a hard enough time forgiving myself for my past actions, let alone having someone continually bring up every single one. I try every day to be a better person, and I’m an open book when it comes to my life and flaws.
My mother constantly accuses me of falling into my old habits and says I’m lying about it, even though she’s been given truth and proof that I’m not. My long-term boyfriend and other family members can vouch for me. It’s to the point where she’s so in my head and cruel with the things she says that I’m spiraling back into depression, which is taking a toll on my confidence and mental health.
I have tried cutting her out of my life, but I live with a family member she’s close to, so she shows up at our house and continues her belittling. I’m starting to lose patience and also my sanity. What do you do? Please help! — STILL STAYING SOBER
DEAR SOBER: Understand that your toxic mother may have some kind of fixation on torturing you. When she shows up, absent yourself immediately. From your experience, you know she’s the kind of person who drives others to drink, so involve yourself with her as little as humanly possible. Your sobriety and sanity depend on it.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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