DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 32 years. I cannot remember the last time he asked me about my day, let alone my life, without a prompt from me. I feel ignored and emotionally neglected. After years of this treatment, I’m no longer willing to tolerate it.

He doesn’t engage with me verbally unless he has a question or a complaint. If I laugh out loud at something I am reading, he never asks what’s funny. We do love each other, but we have very different personalities. I respect his introversion, and he respects my need for social engagement. His career demands very long hours, and I understood that from the start. We have been living parallel lives most of our marriage.

Our children are grown and out of the house. He is a good man. He tells other people how much he loves me and how beautiful I am, but he doesn’t say it to ME. I try to engage him in basic small talk and hug him every day, but he doesn’t respond or take the initiative.

Years ago, he volunteered that he wasn’t seeing someone else. I am not, either, but I do have a standing offer from an old flame who does talk with me and does tell me how fine I look. I would never disrespect my husband by having an affair, but maybe it would get my juices flowing again. Is there anything to salvage here? — DISSATISFIED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISSATISFIED: An affair might get your juices flowing again, but not with your husband, so I don’t advise it. You and your husband may love each other, but unless you are willing to stay on a starvation diet, it may be time to make some decisions about whether the status quo is how you want to live the rest of your life. Do not attempt to do this alone. A licensed marriage and family therapist should guide you — and him.

***

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.