DEAR ABBY: Is it normal to be disgusted by your wife’s lack of concern about her appearance and her belongings? My wife drives a $50,000 car that never gets washed and is so filled with “stuff” that seldom can she take even one passenger.

Her side of the bedroom is just as bad. She never makes the bed and can no longer get to her dresser because there are so many clothes piled in front of it. It’s the same down the hall. In addition to plowing things aside or piling them in a spare room, her messes take over the house.

She also doesn’t take care of herself. She often doesn’t shower for days. Her clothes are frumpy, and I can no longer count how many pounds she keeps adding. It is embarrassing for me, especially when she proclaims she “will never be concerned about her weight again.” I feel it’s disrespectful to me when she says those things, and I can’t let this continue. I am supposed to get used to it? It doesn’t seem right.

Most of her time is spent listening to and reading about politics. Some would be OK, but she has dived so far down the self-righteous religious rabbit hole, she has no other perspective. She can’t work. She believes she’s some sort of activist because she forwards memes on Facebook. It amazes me that she can see neighbors who are older than she is have full-time careers and take care of themselves and their things and yet still believe she’s normal and even judge others.

She does a few things for the church, where she can portray an upstanding image, and it’s really important to her that they see her that way. I think she has a chemical imbalance of some sort and needs help, but how do you even start? If it wasn’t so complicated, I’d move out. By not doing so, is my complacency making things worse? — AT MY LIMIT IN TEXAS

DEAR LIMIT: Was your wife like this when you were dating? In the year or two after your marriage? If the answer is no, it is important that she be evaluated by a doctor because what you describe could be symptoms of depression or a mental or emotional problem.

The way I would handle this if I were in your place would be to tell her you love her, but you can no longer live the way things have become. Then offer her a choice: Get help, or you are leaving.

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MORE FROM DEAR ABBY:

Dear Abby: Woman knows truth of man’s parentage and wonders if it’s a story she should tell

Dear Abby: My daughter doesn’t want my common-law husband around her kids

Dear Abby: I recently found out that my 20-year high school reunion took place and I wasn’t invited

Dear Abby: It seems my boyfriend’s 22-year-old son isn’t interested in his father, grandmother or me

Dear Abby: Days before my daughter’s wedding, her fiancé called if off because she’s bisexual

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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