DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a heavy smoker. She lives two hours away from us, so when she visits, she likes to stay for one or two nights. My husband and I have a 3-year-old son, and my MIL’s smoking is a huge concern for me.

Every two hours, she smokes outside on our back patio. She seems to think this is her right. She closes the sliding glass door behind her, but I can still smell the smoke inside the entire time. And, of course, when she comes back inside, the smell permeates even more.

After her last visit, our home smelled like an ashtray. My eyes burned, and my son was also rubbing his eyes. By the second day, I’m seething each time she ventures out to smoke. I have asked her in the past to go down the street away from our home, but there’s always an excuse why she can’t. (For example, she doesn’t want to risk walking down the incline of the sidewalk for fear of falling.)

I don’t think it should be her right to expose my child (or us) to her harmful addiction. I need advice on how to make clear that if she intends to visit our home and son in the future, smoking will not be permitted anywhere. My husband thinks we should just tolerate it while she’s here. — FUMING IN THE WEST

DEAR FUMING: As much as I agree that smoking is unhealthy and a social turnoff, your husband is right. His mother is severely addicted to smoking if she can’t go more than two hours without a “fix.” She is cooperating to the extent she can with your house rules, so if you want a relationship with her (if only so your child has a chance to know his grandmother), I suggest you lighten up.

***

MORE FROM DEAR ABBY:

Dear Abby: Instead of asking those in need how you can help, tell them what you will do to help

Dear Abby: My husband and I separated and then reunited, but now his son never wants to see me again

Dear Abby: My wife’s crossword hobby has become an obsession

Dear Abby: Surly neighbor alienates good samaritan

Dear Abby: I’ll soon be 40, and I still have no idea what I want to be when I ‘grow up’

***

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

***

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

***

COPYRIGHT 2023 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500