Helen Fisher: We all want to have a good and stable relationship with someone. And one of the problems with intense emotions in the early stages of romantic love is that it is part of the oldest part of the brain that is activated. region. In fact, several cognitive areas of the recently evolved prefrontal cortex have begun to shut down – brain regions associated with decision-making, pre-planning, and madly in love. Because you can fall in love. Someone who is married, lives on the other side of the world, and has a different religion. And somehow they say to themselves. Due to intense romantic love energies and the shutdown of various brain systems related to decision making.

One of the things I tell people is, “Before you decide to marry someone, spend a good amount of time with that person.” begin to sink. And you can really start to see what you have. I’m optimistic. As you know, so many people have these one night stands and friends with perks and live together before marriage. A recent study asked many single people living with someone, “Why don’t they get married?” In addition, 67% were afraid of divorce, fearing not only the legal, financial and financial consequences of divorce, but also the personal and social consequences of divorce. So I’m guessing that living with a friend with all this connections and benefits isn’t reckless, it’s probably caution, and single people are trying to learn as much as they can about potential partners before getting married. Marriage was the beginning of a relationship. It’s time for the finale. And I think that’s a very positive thing.

Actually, I work for Match.com. I was their senior, their chief his Scientific Advisor, about 1,100 married people, and of course he did a survey of married people, not the Match.com site. And I was thinking: “If you have this long pre-commitment phase of getting to know someone, by the time you walk down the aisle you might know what you have and be happy with what you have. No. That way you can build a long, stable and really happy marriage.Relationships can end before they are even done, so perhaps we are heading towards a happier era of marriage. The study asked 1,100 married people many questions, one of which was, “Would you like to remarry the person you are currently married to?” And 81% said yes. And what I call “first sex, slow love”, the slow love process of getting to know someone very carefully over a long period of time, causes the brain to recalibrate some of these brain areas for decision making. would help the .

How this person treats your parents at Christmas and other holidays, how they treat your friends, how they treat money, how they handle arguments, exercise and how to take care of yourself. You learn a lot about that person. I am very optimistic about the future because of this slow love concept. I’m not really in the advice business or the “should” business. I think people should get married when they want to get married. But from what I know about brains, I’d wait at least two years for him. I think it’s important to see how they handle Halloween, how they handle Christmas and Hanukkah, how they handle, know summer fun, and double check that. increase. By the way, that intense romantic feeling can last for two years. He surveyed 5,000 people through Match.com, not the Match.com site. This is a representative sample of Americans based on the U.S. Census, of whom a very large number say they have experienced lasting feelings of intense romantic love. 2 to 5 years for someone.

So I believe that if you choose the right person and know how to keep a portion of your joy alive, you can create long-term attachments that are also full of romantic love periods. We want to maintain a positive and happy partnership. Psychologists offer a long list of smart ways to keep it going. studied the brain. And the first thing you want to do is maintain the three basic brain systems for mating and reproduction: libido, having sex with your partner, and having regular sex with your partner. Schedule time to have sex with your partner. Having sex with your partner boosts your testosterone system, making you want to have more sex. Cuddling activates the oxytocin system to create a feeling of attachment, and any stimulation to the genitals activates the dopamine system to sustain feelings of romantic love.

So basically have, and of course there may be a good joke about it and some relaxation about it – it’s good for the body and mind. Keep your brain system going. Do novel things together to maintain intense romantic feelings of love. Novelty activates the dopamine system and can sustain feelings of romantic love. And this is not just for bedrooms. Go to a different restaurant on Friday night, ride a bike instead of a car, read to each other in bed, sit on the couch together and discuss something new. Read a new book together – novelty, novelty, novelty – sustaining feelings of intense romantic love. You also want to maintain deep feelings of attachment. To do that, we need to stay in touch. Learn to sleep in people’s arms, or at least start out that way.

Snuggle up after dinner, walk arm in arm down the street, hold hands. Of course, put your foot on his or her leg while eating dinner. That means you want to maintain all three of her brain systems: libido, feelings of romantic love, and feelings of deep attachment. But we did discover what’s going on in the brains of long-term happy partners. People who were married for an average of 21 years and still ardently in love with their partner showed activity in three areas of the brain.

Areas of the brain are linked to empathy, areas of the brain are linked to controlling one’s own emotions, and areas of the brain are linked to what we call “positive illusions.” And focus on what you do. Last but not least, we now know that if you say a few good things to your partner every day, I suggest 5. Actually reduce cholesterol and stress hormones. It reduces some cortisol and boosts your immune system, but it also boosts your immune system. be happy, show empathy for your partner, control your emotions, and have sex with your partner. Do new things together, stay in touch, say a few nice things each day. Your brain helps you maintain long-term, deep attachments. we are made to love.